


Bye Bye My Blue

by marbellic



Series: Ensorcell [1]
Category: NCT (Band), 우주소녀 | Cosmic Girls | WJSN
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 16:05:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10574754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marbellic/pseuds/marbellic
Summary: “I know it’ll hurt but I can’t help noticing. Maybe that’s why I keep longing for you.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This has been cross posted to livejournal and asianfanfics.

It's a crippling sort of feeling. A sense of loss or despair, something that eats her from the inside out and leaves her empty, simply just an empty shell.  
  
Her gaze falls on the flowers that litter the bathroom floor, the blue petals mocking her, the aching of her chest reminding her of where they came from. The petals are small, tiny, but the amount of them gathered in one spot is too many to count.  
  
Dawon knows her roommate will be waking up in less than half an hour, so she crouches down and starts sweeping up the flower petals and tossing them into the toilet bowl.  
  
When she finally flushes it, she wonders if she could ever flush away the feelings she has for Ji Hansol.  
  
-  
  
They creep into her throat again when she sees him sitting at the library, earbuds in, head bowed over a textbook. She wants to bolt out of the vicinity, but she can't seem to move her feet. She wants to look away, but he’s all she wants to look at for the moment.  
  
Soon, the necessity to vomit out the petals building in her mouth presses her to leave for the washroom. Hand covering her mouth as she disappears behind a door.  
  
(Dawon doesn't see him look up and watch her disappearing backside with a curious glance, his eyes full of fondness.)  
  
-  
  
When all of the flower petals leave her system and she can finally breath without as much trouble as before, she leaves the washroom and returns to the main hall of the library. She moves towards a table with a nearby outlet in the wall, eyes avoiding the direction he's sitting in.  
  
As she sits in the chair, she can't help but sneak another glance at where he is sitting. That was a mistake.  
  
He looks up from his papers and spots her looking at him. Dawon knows that a blush is starting to form on her cheeks when he raises a hand to wave casually to her, an easy grin on his face. She wants to wave back, do something, yet she remains still, in awe of his appearance, transfixed by his presence. While it may have seemed like an eternity passed between them, in reality, only a second or two had gone by.  
  
The moment between them lingers, a soft smile forming on Dawon's face in return is all Hansol looks for as he returns to his work. Dawon’s eyes stay on his form for a moment longer until she drags her gaze away from him and focuses back onto whatever work she was about to do.  
  
Her heart pounds in her chest, cheeks warm with joy.  
  
-  
  
She knows the dream has to come to an end though when she sees him holding Hansol's hand. Dawon knows it so well.  
  
She knows what a fool she's been.  
  
She'll always be a fool.  
  
The flowers follow her wherever she goes.  
  
-  
  
Curled up in blankets on the small couch of her dorm, earbuds blaring music, fingers flying over the keyboard of her laptop, trying to finish an assignment, Dawon almost missed the incessant knocking on her door.  
  
However she doesn't, and unravels herself from her sheets, sets her laptop aside, to answer the door.  
  
The pale face of her brother greets her, an unspeakable sadness in his face, eyebrows drawn together. He tells her his boyfriend has fallen in love with another, and with it the Hanahaki disease has come too.  
  
Dawon is unable to speak.  
  
-  
  
That night, she vomits out full flowers, although small, she knows what this means. She's running out of time. The petite blue flowers a sign of that.  
  
She takes a chance and decides to find out what type of flowers she's been throwing up all this time. A quick search on her phone, and suddenly she's on the ground, desperately trying to quiet her sobs.  
  
Forget Me Nots.  
  
A true and undying love.  
  
Connection that will endure through time.  
  
A symbol of remembrance during death.  
  
She knows now what the flowers were doing. Dawon knows that the flowers know her better than she knows herself.  
  
The blossom blooming in her gut knew so well because of her love, a love that was so pure, something she wanted to hold onto for life, it was already mourning her. That flower knew she would rather die than to get rid of her love, so it was mourning her eventual death.  
  
Dawon sobbed into her arms. Until she heard a knocking on the washroom door and when she realized that it was 1am already and she was crying in the washroom and that really wasn't normal, and her roommate outside was definitely going to try and come in, and Dawon doesn’t really think she could bear that. Luda’s persistent, she can hear distantly of how worried she was.  
  
Looking towards the door, she realizes something. In her haste to make it into the washroom, she forgot to lock the door.  
  
Getting onto her knees, Dawon starts crawling towards the door, wanting to lock it before Luda realizes she could open it. The tears in her eyes blur her vision, but she recognizes it when Luda opens the door and looks at her. Her mouth is opened wide in shock at witnessing Dawon’s tear stained cheeks, the flower petals littering the floor and toilet bowl.  
  
She kneels down beside Dawon, strokes her back and wipes her tears. Then she begs her to get the surgery.  
  
However, she can’t convince Dawon. Luda almost starts to cry.  
  
-  
  
The next morning, her earbuds are blaring music into her ears when she feels a hand upon her shoulder, a face she easily recognizes greets her and she smiles.  
  
Yuta settles himself into the seat beside her, eyebrows drawn together. Dawon turns off her music and pulls her earbuds out to listen to what he has to say. It was rare that Hansol’s best friend would come to see her. They barely knew each other.  
  
“You’ve heard about what happened to Hansol. Right?”  
  
Dawon can only nod.  
  
Yuta frowns. “Why have you not gone to see him?”  
  
Confusion fills Dawon as she wonders why she should go see Hansol. Technically they weren’t close, the only thing binding them was Dawon’s brother. Anyways, wouldn’t he want to spend his time with other friends of his? She says this to Yuta, and the despair that grows on his face shocks her.  
  
“He hasn’t told you?”  
  
“Who hasn’t told me what?” Dawon replies, her words quiety filling the air around them.  
  
Taeyong appears behind Yuta, the same sad eyes that she remembered from the moment he appeared at her door and told her that his boyfriend, Ji Hansol, had gotten the Hanahaki disease for someone else.  
  
She can only stare as Yuta whirls around and looks her brother in the eye. She knows that Yuta’s mouthing something towards him  
  
The guilt shows easily on Taeyong’s face. Suddenly, she feels her throat tighten, her gut clenching painfully and the only thing she knows she needs to do is run before they find out that she had Hanahaki too. So, she abruptly gets up and dashes towards the nearest building.  
  
Her brother catches her easily though, so she empties her feelings onto the front of his shirt.  
  
-  
  
When she finally opens her eyes, she can recognize Taeyong at her bedside, Yuta pacing beside him, and Hansol in the same hospital clothing as her attempting to sooth his best friend and boyfriend. Well, she supposes ex-boyfriend.  
  
The first person that sees her awaken is Yuta, and the relief is evident on his face. Her brother rushes to her other side and clasps her hand with his own, she tries to smile to show him that she’s okay now, that he doesn’t need to worry about her anymore.  
  
Hansol just stares at her.  
  
“Taeyong, we should go. I think- I think Hansol has something he wants to say to Dawon.” Yuta mutters, standing from his seat and looking meaningfully at her brother.  
  
Sparing one last glance at her, they both leave the room and Hansol occupies the spot Yuta once took up beside her bedside.  
  
“Dawon, I need to tell you something.”  
  
Her heart hurts, seeing him and knowing he loved someone else as passionately and as irrevocably as she loved him, her heart burned in the pain and the roots around her veins tightened fiercely. She wonders who could have taken Hansol’s attention away from her brother, Taeyong who in her eyes was probably the most stunning, kindest, older brother one could ever ask for. Taeyong who was handsome and lovely, Taeyong who had hurt her without even knowing he did.  
  
She wondered if she should hate Hansol for what he did to her brother, falling in love when they were still together and happy.  
  
Her eyes moved to meet his though, despite the dislike she grew for him for hurting her brother, despite the heartbroken feelings she had gathered because he loved someone else, despite still being in love with him after all this time.  
  
He looks at her with such intensity that she can almost feel herself suffocate under his gaze “I’m so sorry that I hurt your brother.”  
  
“Dawon, the one I love is you.”  
  
With a small gasp, she feels the tightening of her heart disappear, the constant pain in her stomach recoil, and everything feels like it is falling into place perfectly.  
  
“I’m so sorry for hurting Taeyong, and I know that I’ve probably put you into an awkward situation too, now knowing you’re in love with someone else but I needed to tell you before I had the surgery-”  
  
Dawon interrupts him, finger over his lips, a tearful smile growing on her face and she moves to prop herself up into a sitting position so that she could look at him face to face.  
  
“I love you, Hansol. I’ve loved you for so long. You’re the one I had Hanahaki for.”  
  
There is an expression of shock that passes over his face, it soon passes to one of pure joy and exhilaration, a smile of relief and happiness spreading over his lips. He moves to wrap his arms around her gently, an embrace that should have happened a long time ago.  
  
And in that moment, Dawon feels the happiness she thought she once lost fill her up and overflow out of her.  
  
(It was called love.)

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this?? and yes there is a continuation of this planned centered around another couple so keep your eyes out for that.


End file.
